Life is going well these days, if a bit static on the action front. Ronin continues to morph her daily habits just fast enough to keep us totally confused and seems to weigh just a bit more every time I feed her. Honestly, I was shocked she weighed only 15.3 pounds at her 4-month appointment; my lower back and tendon of my left thumb were certain she weighed 16, if not more.

Today, I tentatively announce our very first poop strike. As in, she did not go at all. I feel like I am carrying around a time bomb and it makes me very, very nervous. If that is not bad enough, we are also low on laundry and if she blows out the current pair of pants, we’ll have only the pink kitteny last-resort pair to fall back on; basically, things are tense.

I have read that it is “normal” for breastfed infants to go up to seven days without pooping. In light of the shocking amount our infant manages to concoct on a daily basis, the idea that she could conceivably store it up for seven days is mind-blowing. If things don’t get rocking soon, I shall develop acute agoraphobia and spend my days hovering over the changing pad, a fistful of wipes at the ready. The anxiety, it will be mind-numbing. The sweating, profuse.

Enough poop. New parents always talk about poop.

Joshua and I passed another couple pushing their baby in a stroller the other day and as we exchanged pleasantries, the woman said, “I just love how babies carry their hearts on their sleeves.” And I sort of smiled and nodded and we wandered off but later I thought about it and she’s right. Babies are simply not able to conceal their feelings at all; it’s kind of an amazing thing really. They can be so ecstatically happy about being outside on a walk or being given an exciting new toy (a wooden spoon cool can of Pabst, say) and it is so obvious, and then the next moment they can be tragically sad because, um, some air molecules shifted not to their liking? Hard to say. They are also completely unselfconscious, for instance, one baby I know once loudly and startlingly pooped out a pantsful RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF DINNER WITH GUESTS. Complete with grunting and hilarious facial expressions.

Everyone laughed politely.

And, because I’m aware I have somehow gotten back on the subject of poop, I shall segway back into something that is not poop: this awesome youtube video. Seriously, watching this thing is like my hobby these days. I see it’s been viewed over eight million times, but actually 1.3 million of those is just me. Usually around, say, 4:15am… (Monkey!)