Ages 16-22: She better not get pregnant; wouldn’t that just screw up her school, her career, her whole life…
Age 22.5: Well this Joshua thing seems to be pretty serious. I wonder when the babies are coming?
Age 23-25: Babies babies babies are coming any day nowwwwwww…
Age 25.5: What the hell? Maybe she needs some advice.
Age 28: She says she doesn’t want kids but I know better.
Age 30: Utter. Despair.
Age 31: Glimmer of hope? Nope. Shot down.
Age 32: Utter. Despair.
Age 33: I knew it! I always knew it! Maybe she needs some advice.
Weeks 6-11: Whoa. Look at those knockers!
Week 17: Probably overate.
Week 20: Maybe pregnant but I better not say anything in case I get decked.
Week 25: Definitely pregnant but I better not touch the belly in case I get decked. Maybe she needs some advice.
Week 30: You’re 30 weeks already?! Jeez—you hardly look it; are you sure you’re gaining enough weight?
Week 30: oh mY GOD! You’re HUUUGE!!
Week 36: Hmm, I can’t decide between the pink kitten ruffle bib or this pastel lavender lace bomb. No matter! I’m sure she’ll need them both. (And probably some advice.)
Week 39: Holy Crap! Whatddya got in there, a volkswagon!?
Week 39 1/2: “How do you feel?” “Are you looking for the bathroom Ma’am?” “I thought you would have had that thing already!” “Wow are you having twins?” “There’s this pizza place in northeast; guaranteed to put you in labor. If, you know, you were interested…” “How do you feel?”
Week 39 3/4: She’s gonna blow! Run for cover! Har Har. No, seriously, maybe she needs some advice.
Week 1: “Ohhhh! When are you due?” Hey! She decked me!