The baby kicks now. Or *something* is going on in there, kicking being just one of many different ways to antagonize my bladder. Lately I have been picturing one of those toy tanks with treads that you set in motion on the floor and when it hits a wall or obstacle, it rides up the wall until it flips over and diverts to a new direction. It never occurred to me before, but being poked at from inside your own body is an incredibly odd experience indeed. And I’m only just over halfway there; presumably she hasn’t even begun to truly raise hell yet. I hope my vital organs are up to the fight because I fear I’m running out of room.

Aside from the large bulge just south of the two other large bulges that are my newfangled boobs, you would really never know I was pregnant at all. I think it’s still a secret from my apartment neighbors, mostly because I’ve taken great pains to avoid visual contact with them. Basically the first time they do see me it’ll be because I have a nine-month belly and can’t run fast enough. I fear this might be traumatic to all involved.

I really am anxious about the whole baby crying/trendy Portland hipster neighbors lynching the bothersome breeders upstairs issue. Next to dying in childbirth, it’s probably the only other big thing on my List of Concerns. There are a few other things I should be adding to this list, I’m sure, but I just can’t think of them.

I always thought being pregnant would be harder to deal with, or more concisely, Joshua thought a pregnant me would be much more difficult. But honestly, I forget half the time I’m even pregnant at all. Until I have to actually button my pants or something. I feel almost entirely asymptomatic: not unusually emotional, not overly tired, etc. Joshua has noted (and I am forced to agree) that I am severely low on patience these days, which usually manifests itself into small blowouts over minor electrical projects or computer issues. Happily, Joshua is very good at all things electrical and computing so I usually don’t have to snort and fume for very long before a miracle occurs and my problem disappears. I did, however, make him get up and jiggle the toilet handle in the middle of the night last night because I was already irritated at having to get up to go to the bathroom, again, and had it in my head that a third trip might actually kill me. Here’s hoping this is a symptom of pregnancy and will go away once a patience-demanding, screaming toothless blob of flailing rubber is placed under my care.

I’ve been doing a bit of internet research as to what sort of things are necessary when faced with a newborn. Like car seats and onesies (heee) and things disturbingly referred to as “butt cream,” which I’m afraid to even google for a definition. Some things, such as “maternity underwear,” make no sense to me; I’m no obstetrician but I’m fairly certain there is no growing baby stored anywhere in my ass. While I admit some searches have been vaguely informative, altogether they have remained fruitless because I get overwhelmed easily when faced with too many choices, particularly where shopping is involved. And Amazon has been pissing me off lately when I log on and find announcements such as, “Hello Cheyenne! We have recommendations for you based on your recent searches!” (Oh shit.) And of course to my horror is listed, Graco ‘Little Miss Plush Pinktastic’ carseat/pram/diaper genie folding combo; Battlestar Galactica Season II The-Making-Of DVD; Kidoppotomus Swaddleme Fleecy Restraints; Patrick Hughes’ “Diary of Indignities;” and Tonka ‘Roll ‘Em Somersaults’ battery-operated tank.

[Cantharellus cibarius]

The chanterelles are blooming on the Oregon coast. Mushroom hunters generally don’t like to divulge they’re favorite spots but I’ll tell you the secret: Anywhere! If you’re driving down 101 through second growth Douglas Fir, pull over and head into the woods. Bring a bag.

[Heceta Head south of Yachats, Oregon] (800×600)

[Second growth Douglas Fir] (800×600)

There are plenty of huckleberries to munch on while you poke around in the ferns. The real question is what to do with all the mushrooms when you get home. Chanterelle pasta is always a good bet and we ended up making just that our first night in. We had Jenni, Cameron, Hans, Agnieszka, and Fred. A total of 7 people to feed and we nearly ran out (not for lack of chanterelles but for lack of prepared sauce because none of us are accustomed to feeding that many people at once). It’s a good thing we’d loaded up some apples from mom’s (Cheryl) house on our way through Eugene. Jenni put those to good use in a big square pie.

That’s Kerstin on the left and Hans on the right with his ridiculous dog Otto. Hans got the glock somewhere and it was an effort to get him to leave it in the car for the hunt. He’s always eager to play scary redneck, but obviously you don’t need a gun to hunt mushrooms.

[Hypomyces lactifluorum]

Lobster pirates Jenni and Cameron show off a large orange lobster mushroom. Lobsters stand out in the forest even though they’re usually partially buried in the duff. We found a lot and stopped picking them because they’re so heavy. Jenni doesn’t like them due to the vaguely seafood taste, but I like the firm texture and subtle flavor. The interesting thing about the species is that it is a parasite on other mushrooms (usually a short-stemmed russula). It turns a common but disregarded and maligned edible into something more succulent.

For the second running night of mushroom feasting we decided on Hungarian Mushroom soup. Actually, Vegan Hungarian Mushroom soup. I don’t have an exact recipe because none was followed. However, here’s the gist.

1. Dry sauté a lot of mushrooms (in this case chanterelles).
2. When the water is mostly boiled off add some onions, a small amount of garlic, and a little olive oil.
3. When the onions are soft add vegetable broth (or water and bullion), and a lot of paprika (more than you might think).
4. Simmer it for awhile then ad some dill (lots–but less than the paprika).
5. Next add soy milk.
6. Simmer and continue adding soy milk to maintain the desired soupiness.
7. Salt and pepper to taste and add a little flour to thicken if necessary.
8. Fresh chopped parsley to garnish.

In addition, Cameron baked fresh bread and sautéed a delicious ginger soy lobster mushroom side dish that is too complicated to describe here.

[After the dill but before the milk]

Portland, Oregon (800×600)

Portland, Oregon

Portland, Oregon

When Cheyenne pointed out this beasty in our laundry room I couldn’t believe it. I’d never seen anything like it. A quick google search identified it as a common house centipede. If it’s so common why haven’t I ever seen one? Apparently they’re notorious for infesting first floor apartments in old buildings. Which I guess makes us glad that we live on the 2nd floor and only have to venture down to the basement to do the laundry.

Centipedes are predators that hunt and kill bugs, larvae, and spiders and can be considered beneficial. Mildly poisonous but harmless to humans… they say.