The South

October 19th, 2009 by: cheyenne

The sign says it all. Needless to say, we did not eat here and our gastrointestinal systems were the better for it.

There are a lot of things wrong with this image. First off, may I state the obvious: biscuits, actually, do not have holes. Not even southern biscuits. Also, The South does indeed have doughnuts so this isn’t just a foreigner’s misunderstanding, like “biscuit” means cookie in Great Britain. I imagine that the marketing team was trying to come up with a new and exciting desert item, something to draw in the crowds.

“Doughnut holes!” said apple-cheeked Jr. marketing intern Billy. Of course, this enthusiastic outburst would be cut down by more senior members of the team, perhaps citing Hardee’s dedication to healthy, satisfying, alternative fare, not to mention, Dunkin Donuts and McFatso’s already offer doughnut holes on their menus. Hardee’s would need something new, something groundbreaking. A lively discussion might ensue about what healthy fare really was and if it was in fact what the average Hardees customer really wanted deep down inside (answer: eh, probably not). In the end, it was decided that bite-sized biscuits might fit the bill. Sweet ones! Or perhaps rolled in sugar and cinnamon, kinda like doughnuts, but totally not. And although it was unanimously decided that glazed sugar-rolled little biscuits would be even more delicious, perhaps a tub of icing on the side would be more exciting, and you know, healthier. After all, Americans love to feel they have choices. A deconstructed doughnut, if you will. The marketing team was pleased with the brainstorming session. Now all they needed was a catchy name. “Biscuit holes!” shouted Billy, thereby guaranteeing him a permanent position at the Hardee’s marketing headquarters and bringing forth a confounding epidemic of doughnut-shaped biscuits across the southern US.

People in the south are remarkably friendly but I sometimes wonder if there isn’t an underlying hint of passive aggression. Case in point:

Piggly Wiggly! We asked for english muffins and nobody in the store had any idea what we were talking about. The bagger lady wanted to know where we were from and seemed shocked when I said Oregon. I am guessing she had someplace more exotic in mind, Iceland maybe.

Anyway, we’re back home in Iceland now, basking in the rain and the overcast. Ronin was beside herself with joy upon seeing all her toys again but now she’s totally bored of them already. It may be a long winter.

3 Comments on “The South”

  1. Gramma Peg says:

    Cheyenne—you oughta work for “Mad Men” and their ad agency. Great comments on the South. But how were the grits? (I love those things). –Gramma Peg

  2. Henrik says:

    I really like these observations. Interesting and funny, like something from Roland Barthes’s classic book, Mythologies; sometimes the small issues reveals more…

  3. Hans says:

    Sadly, I am losing the war. I found out you have returned to Portland through your BLOG. I don’t know why I avoid this thing, since it’s informative and you take so many great pictures, but until now I’ve successfully avoided using my computer for weeks. Anyhow, now that you’re back in Portland I’ll try to drop off some Voodoo Doughnuts for you. Glad you had a safe trip.

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Cheyenne Weil, Joshua Coxwell