I found these in the produce section of Fubonn and had to have them. Of course, I had no idea what they were or what to do with them, but I trust in the powers of the world wide internet to see me through. At only $1.48/lb they’re a bargain even if they just end up as part of my voodoo death necklace. The label identifies them as “Bull Head / Trai Au.”

Clearly a Vietnamese name but google wasn’t all that helpful. We see two results in English and several in Vietnamese. I can’t read the latter and none of them look like recipes anyway so I concentrated on the former. One blogger also found them at Fubonn and didn’t have many hard facts to offer. The other found them at a market in Vietnam. He claims that the market lady told him that they were Trai Au and explained that they were Lotus Roots. Obviously he misunderstood. I know a lotus root when I see it and these things aren’t the least bit root like. I think they are thorns because they resemble the ant infested thorn bushes we fought our way through while hiking on Isla Providencia.

Cheyenne and I have prowled the markets of Vietnam ourselves and don’t recall having seen anything like it. Either they were out of season or they aren’t too common. Of course, we could have missed them while we were distracted by the live scorpions or the imitation cockroach extract (I kid you not, it’s called Ca Cuong).

They turn out to be pretty hard to get open. Forget about doing it by hand because of those spiky ends. A hammer works well but it doesn’t seem possible to remove the meat in one piece. I hit them until they break open then pry the insides out with a knife.

They are bland and mostly tasteless but very slightly bitter with the texture of mature coconut meat. I still don’t know what to do with them. It doesn’t seem worth the effort to eat them as nuts and I can’t imagine cooking with them either.

[How much bigger can it possibly get?]

Officially “term” and officially insured!! It’s all very exciting. Starting at 36 weeks, the doctor checked my cervix to see if there was progression and lo, there was: I was already dilated a little—enough that she said she could reach in and touch the baby’s head—and the cervix was thinning out. Also, the head was low and lining up “nicely.” Ahhh, good stuff. A week later, my cervix was quite a lot thinner, there was more dilation and the head was squarely smack in the middle of my pelvis, mere inches from the exit, and “engaged.” Which is to say, wedged down in a funnel and quite probably stuck there for the remainder of the pregnancy.

Poor baby with her head stuck down in a hole! I keep imagining the old cartoon scenario where the unfortunate hero gets his head stuck in, say, a bucket. Trying to dislodge the bucket, he employs both arms and legs, feet desperately pushing against the bucket. I feel like this baby is trying out some of the same moves.

Also, all this effacement and dilation and head engaged business sounds pretty serious; I just might be having a baby here in the next week or two (cough). Happily, the midwife at the clinic went on about how the positioning is perfect (head wedged down in a hole = good positioning from everyone’s standpoint except possibly the baby’s) and complimented me on my ischial spines, which are “wide and roomy” with “pleeeeenty” of space for the baby. I of course made her repeat a few times just how great the insides of my pelvis were; pregnant girls like to hear things like this.

The frontal view = Oh My God.

I had to have Joshua tie my shoes the other day. Then I had to have him untie the freaky knots he tied because they were different than the knots I usually tie. Eating at a table is also getting difficult because it is uncomfortable to lean forward. Unfortunately, if I don’t hover directly over what it is I am trying to eat, I will spill food down my shirt, get drips on the belly-shelf, and any cleavage drops won’t be discovered until I’m lying in bed and wondering where all the crumbs came from.

At this point it is difficult not to over-analyze every pang or movement because I worry about whether I will know when I’m in labor. “Hmm, my back has a weird twingey ache… COULD THIS BE IT?!?” only to discover after timing it for half an hour that I’ve been leaning up against the laptop’s power supply. Of course, the general consensus of every single person who has ever been pregnant (note: this is a formidable group who is not shy about offering advise) is that there is absolutely NO mistaking actual labor for anything else. But it still makes me wonder how many of those women spent quality time unwittingly sitting on their laptop cords.

Those of you on dirt roads may have trouble with this due to the large size of the video file. I couldn’t reduce it anymore and still keep it watchable. You can try downloading it to view locally (33 MB).